Like any good department store, I seem to have gone right from Halloween to Christmas, Blogsters!How did you handle my absence? Are you thankful I am back? Cause I AM!!! Still struggling with the new blog format but I figure hiding from it won’t make it easier sooo…. as I sit and watch the Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting (from my couch, btw, like most good New Yorkers do), I am coming back at you Hard CORE with Gifts You Didn’t Know You Wanted!!!
I get so many ridiculous catalogs all year that I can’t not pass on the benefit of my page flipping as you shop for your loved ones! We’ve done this before! Remember the time I introduced you to the Subtle Butt? Or the Ham Dogger? You’re Welcome. Well, get ready to be thankful for more than my return!!
First up, for the puppies (since my life has clearly gone to the dogs… Well, one dog!)
Pajama Jeans for DOGS!!! As if Pajama Jeans aren’t ridonk enough- you can get ’em for your dog? Because she is looking for style and comfort? Luckily, the good folks at PajamaGram.com have them in Boot Cut, Regular, Two “washes” of Skinny and DOG style! And for only $19.99! Personalized for an extra 13 beans! Get them while they are hot? (dOn’T gEt mE aNY. loVE, riPLeY)
Next, in keeping with the animal theme… A Pig Shirt. Listen, personally, I don’t care how “right off the farm” this pig looks- I would drown myself in the slop trough if anyone gave this to me but for you lovers of the swine…
Get on it! It’s only $19.95! Except for your porker friends- the XXL is an extra two cracklins!
And speaking of things that make me uncomfortable… Is this incontinence humor???! Or is the laugher doubled over and thus the tears are ACTUALLY on the leg? It is for a very narrow audience… But it is only $13.95! Crazy Country Store Catalog!
And perhaps to catch the “tears”, you would put something on the floor?? Skip that, get THESE! Three words- Apple. Floor. Booties. You get EIGHT of them for just $9.99!! I can’t wait for mine to arrive!
Finally… a most useful gift for all you rollers out there. Sometimes, rolling is hard. You need help. Well, Solutions has the solution! Perfect Roll for Sushi!! Keeps the perfect 2 3/4″ roll going so if you roll anything else- it will be perfectly HUGE! Add tuna. Oh, and $14.98.
How do you like them lions? Awwww, yeah!
OK- it is actually one lion. But how fun is its day to night look??
So, there’s something new in the neighborhood. A “back & foot rub” establishment. Rub is the operative word here, people. As in- only men go there. You have to buzz to be let in. I assume oils are used but they are labelled lube. Are you getting my drift? And now- they have added acupuncture. Not sure how that is going to work out but I am going with “Rub & Poke”! hee hee. Dirty.
...you had me at Libra!
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul," said environmentalist Edward Abbey. The "ruin" doesn't happen all of a sudden, because of a single small failure to translate sincere intentions into good works. Rather, it's the result of long-running laziness or passivity -- a consistent inability to do what one's passions demand. If there is even a shred of this tendency in your make-up, Libra, now is an urgent time to shed it. According to my astrological analysis, you simply must carry out your soul's mandates.
What is it?? It grows in the yard of this fabulous old couple down the road from me! They each have to be 80. I adore them. When I asked them if they new what it was- he said, “it’s a new kind of marijuana!” and then laughed himself into a coughing fit! Old people are cute! But more importantly… WHAT IS IT, really?! It is easily 6 ft tall, with one stem/trunk and a lot of big ol’ leaves! And these wacky flowers!
Hopefully, not on you!! It appears summer is flying south for the winter already. I will admit, I am OK with that! I love fall. So, as you get ready for fall be sure to keep in mind the “IT” colors of the 2grand11 fall season. No wardrobe will be complete without these!!
I myself, will be wearing nothing but orchid hush… shhhhh.
…so are the days of my life! YOWZERS! Could I have let any more time go by?? Sweet blog-o-sphere, how have you coped sans moi? Has it been hard?
I tell ya- it has been a bit of a shit show here! Hurricanes, earthquakes, Ripley- constant chaos! But there was also visitors and visits, flowers in bloom, Ripley… so not all bad! I admit, I was struggling with the new wordpress format of me blog- I don’t like technical change. And in struggling, threw the towel! But now I’m back! With a renewed sense of vim and vigor and not just because I am on my second large iced coffee at Panera!
So, get ready, folks! Whatever the format, this Broad gots some Notes!!
ps… I also got a new hair cut!! Which caused me to attempt “model face”! I am over that part now!